i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Randomize