It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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