yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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