i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
