wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Randomize
