I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
