someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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