Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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