My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
