I think my vagina is haunted
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
