A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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