WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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