just tell him i said nine months
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
