Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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