Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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