"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
