Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
