I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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