well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
my shit smells like andre
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
