why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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