she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
