ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
