I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Randomize
