There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I got inside last night via doggy door
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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