Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize