So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
