God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
