you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
