Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
