forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
