He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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