I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize