Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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