sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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