There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
