She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
tell your sister to shave her snatch
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
