The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
