Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
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