we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
