dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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