ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
