tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
