dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
