I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
