I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Randomize
