you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
