If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
