I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
