Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
