i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
