i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
