So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
