hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
