My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
