drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
