Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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