I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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