I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
