An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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