My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
