I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
