i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
