i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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