so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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