i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize