I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
