yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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