I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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