Betty ford says i'm here all night
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
