I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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