I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
