I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
