Swine flu. Run for my life!
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
